Do I even have one? I wanted to know my reason for being here – my divine destiny, the purpose God created me for. Could it be I was created only to be a housewife and mother? Yes it is true – that could be my purpose; after all God reminded me of my grandmothers and great grandmothers etc – they didn’t grow up in a world where women had careers outside the home, their role (sometimes beginning at 9 years old) was to help with the housework and take care of the babies. How selfish and proud am I that I think I deserve a “better” calling than this. I am blessed to have grown up in a time that encourages and accepts women to dream big and follow those dreams. But in this society and time it can feel like being a housewife and stay-at-home mom is the default plan, “Well you never made anything of yourself or your dreams so we’ll just put you in the home changing poopy diapers and doing laundry all day”. But what does that say about all of the other housewives and stay-at-home moms before me? God didn’t have a purpose for them? They were just here on Earth wandering around performing their domestic duties? I know in my heart that these women were not nameless to God, he knew them and he created them for a reason – so why do I doubt this about myself?
What have I accomplished? I would have to say all of my accolades come from my high school years. All of those dreams, goals, and plans I had somewhere along the way fizzled out and I took a different path, a path that lead me here. I feel like I am a failure in every way – educationally, financially, physically, spiritually, relationally, and even as a mother. I haven’t finished college but I have the student loans to pay, we never have enough money, debt collectors always calling, I don’t look or feel like myself, my marriage could be better, I could be better, I could be more patient and loving with my children, and even worse is that I know these are all lies from the devil and I am just taking them like a punching bag. I know better, I have been raised and taught better, but here I am letting the devil lie to me and make me feel like a failure. Yes I will always have room for improvement, I am not and never will be perfect, but I know enough to recognize the devil’s tormenting lies that try to chip away at my self esteem and push me into depression. Sadly I will admit, the devil invited me to a pity party and I rsvp’d YES.
During my pity party I even told my husband that I felt like I was standing still while the rest of the world (including him) was moving forward. I mean after all, he has a job he goes to every day and makes progress, he is in college working toward his degree, and our kids are growing and learning more each day. And eventually the kids will grow up, graduate, and move out to start their own lives – where will that leave me? With no degree, no work experience in years, and not even a clean house to show for it. But God used my husband to speak to me, Jeremy wrote me a note that said, “You may feel like you are standing still in the world, but you are the world to our kids, and me”. I thought about it and it really put it in perspective – to my 8 month old daughter and my 4 year old son I am the most important person in their lives right now. I am their comforter, their source of information, the one who feeds them, takes care of them when they are ill, their playmate, and their example, their everything. They don’t care or even know that I don’t have a college degree, they don’t care about my credit score or my weight. They love me, they need me, and they depend on me. I cannot allow myself to spiral into depression and self-pity – what message will that send to them, what example will that set? Is that what I want them to imitate? No, absolutely not! I want so much more for my children than I even want for myself. My husband’s words really helped me snap out of it and examine myself with new eyes. I may not feel important and I may not feel like I have a purpose – or at least a grand one, but to these two little beings I am more influential and more depended on than anyone else will be for a while. So I picked myself up by the bootstraps and went were I always go first – Ephesians.
A Night in Ephesians
While reading through Ephesians, one of my favorite books in the Bible, one that I turn to over and over again I found answers to many of the questions I had been asking myself. Not even out of chapter 1 and I read, “In him we were also chosen having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will” (Ephesians 1:11). Does that sum it up enough for you Tessa? You have been chosen. You have a predestined plan. God will work it out. It says so right there in black and white.
And again in Ephesians 2:10, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”. God does have a plan and a purpose for you; he has something specific in mind. And yes, that plan and purpose may just be to be a housewife and stay-at-home mom. Whatever the plan is that God has for me I should embrace it and put all of myself into it – I would if it were a “grander” plan, if I was getting paid for it – so why treat it any differently?
Ephesians 4:11-12 says, “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service…” God knew what he was doing when he made me and he made me with a specific purpose in mind, maybe it isn’t to be someone big and great and known and financially well off. Maybe he gave me a purpose that falls under the category of “works of service”, which is no less important than any other plan he may have for anyone else.
And then the real kicker, the verse I know I was meant to read. The gentle but much needed disciplinary verse, “…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gently; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1-3). Regardless of my calling I should be practicing these things, but especially if my calling is being a mother and wife, I should be excelling at these things. Have I been? No. What better way to teach my children how to be than to be that myself and set an example for them to follow. What kind of mother and wife am I teaching my daughter to be? What kind of message am I sending to my son about his future wife and mother of his children – am I teaching him that these are roles to be honored and respected? And most importantly, am I created an atmosphere of peace in my home for my husband and children? Am I providing them with a home where they feel safe, secure, and comforted where they feel that they can dream big and become who God has called them to be? Or am I making this a war-zone of strife and chaos all because of my temper tantrum rooted in the disappointment I have with myself?
But the gentle reminder of my vices wasn’t over yet:
Ephesians 4:29 goes on to say, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”.
Ephesians 4:31, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”.
Ephesians 5:15-16 “Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is”.
I think it I have it, I need to take this seriously – this job as mother and wife. This may not be the only purpose God has for me, or maybe it is. But either way – it is what He has for me to do today and if I am serious about wanting to know my purpose and fulfill my destiny then today is the day to start. I have an important job here – I am helping to shape who these two individuals will become.
“Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does…” (Ephesians 6:7).
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